Logo

I had a very interesting conversation with a few of my coworkers the other day and thought it would be a great topic to blog about. Is it appropriate to go out (dinner, movies, sport outing, etc.) with a friend of the opposite sex while married or in a committed relationship? As you can imagine it was a battle of the sexes. In all honesty, my first answer was absolutely not, no way, you must be out of your mind. But after taking the time to listen to the guys point of view, my answer is still no way, absolutely not, you must be out of your mind! But I also added one thing, "It all depends on the couple".

My husband being a photographer and me being an actress, there were quite a few ground rules that had to be discussed and agreed upon before the relationship could go any further. Considering that we were both industry folks and networking was essential to the overall development and success of our careers, we had to be very careful how we interacted with individuals; especially those of the opposite sex. Trust was always the number one factor.  Although my husband's profession requires him to be around all types of females (models, actresses, make up artists, stylists , etc.), he understands at the end of every work shift; there was a time to punch out and go home. Some business relationships turned into friendships but guess what? If she's my husband's friend then its most certain that she's my friend as well. And if she wants to go to the movies or dinner then we will just be double dating or it'll be the three of us. I just don't seem to understand the reasoning behind why one would think its alright or even want to go out to a movie or dinner for that matter with out your mate present. Business is one thing but socially?

With that said, there will be scenarios in which you will have to use your best judgment. After all, you and your mate will have friends of the opposite sex. And if a friend from the past comes into town and wants to meet up for drinks or dinner, you must know how to handle the situation. At times it may be harmless and other times it can truly affect your relationship. Trust is key.

Do you agree "Sandrachat Viewers"? I would love to hear your thoughts and opinions.

My definition of flirting is " the act of leading a person to believe that you are interested." Interested can mean that you are physically attracted to them or simply want something from them. Whether the persons' intentions were sexual or they simply needed a favor from you (i.e free tickets to the movies/discount at their favorite store), many people flirt to get what they want.

Flirting can be considered many things including but not limited to  smiling, alluring eye contact, rubbing of the arms/back, using a seductive tone of voice when speaking, or dressing in attire that's somewhat revealing in hopes of attracting the other person. Everyone flirts or have flirted at some point in their life and thats perfectly healthy. Flirting becomes a problem when you're in a relationship.

Now everyone is different in terms of what they consider flirting to be and how it affects them. I tell my husband all the time, I don't mind if he looks at a beautiful woman and even compliments her on her appearance. However, if by him doing so, causes the woman to believe that it was more than what he had intended it to be than something is wrong and it is his responsibility to clear things up immediately.  My motto is "Don't do to me what you would not like me to do to you." The difference between a compliment and flirting is as follows:

Compliment: "That is a beautiful dress you're wearing. My WIFE/Girlfriend has one just like it."
Flirting: "Wow that dress looks absolutely stunning on you! (While smiling with your eyes)

Compliment: "You have a beautiful smile. My WIFE/Girlfriend has that same glow in her eyes when she smiles."
Flirting: "Your smile is absolutely breath taking" (Smiling as you're saying it)

Compliment: "Those are nice jeans you have on. What store did you buy them from?"
Flirting: "You are looking mighty fine in those jeans" (While biting your bottom lip and winking)

To my readers who are in relationships, lets face it, there will always be someone out their who looks better than your mate and it's ok to look. There's no need for all that extra stuff. RESPECT PEOPLE!!! As for my single folks, the examples I gave are perfectly healthy for you. Giving someone a compliment is the best flirting etiquette out there. Everyone loves compliments and it's an easy way to break the ice. Be sure that you use the right approach with the right person. Some people are more conservative than others. Its important not to offend although many do.

Do you have flirting tips you'd like to share with my reader? Feel free to do so. We'd all love to know.

Has your friend/family member been acting a bit distant or shady since you got engaged, married, had a baby, brought a home, been promoted from your job or moved away as a result of securing a better career opportunity? Perhaps the circumstances weren't so positive or drastic. Lets say your friend/family member was laid off from their job and was forced to be more frugal with their spending and could not hang out with you like they used to.  A more common example would be that their lifestyle changed suddenly as a result of negative influences and they chose to get involved in things they weren't involved in before such as drugs, robbery, etc. With every change, progress or downfall in life; expect it to not only affect you but also the people around you.

I remember when I got engaged. It was as if my life flashed right before my eyes. In a good way of course. :-) I felt so many emotions; joy, fear, anxiety, excitement, and the list goes on. After all, it was the biggest thing that ever happened to me and my outlook on life changed instantly. It was no longer all about me and what I wanted but rather we and how can we grow together. I was more conscious on how and where I spent my money. I was no longer as flexible to hang out much with my friends because I was so caught up in planning for our wedding. Eventually my friends stopped inviting me out because they assumed I wasn't available. Although that was the case most of the time, after a bit, I simply did not have the desire to hang out like I used to. That doesn't make me a bad person or mean that my friends love me or I love them any less, it just so happened that a turn of events occurred in my life that shifted my priorities in a different direction.  Despite what life throws at you, a true friend will stand by you as you transition and grow. Unfortunately, you will lose some along the way as I did and that's ok too. I've learned not to look toward others for affirmation because it's not everyone that will be happy for you when you are progressing in life and not everyone will understand your pain and suffering when you're grieving. You must learn to adapt or let go.

Whether its life's occurrences that steer us toward a different path or our own indiscretions that ultimately causes one to part from the other, people change. Some change for the better and others for the worse. So don't beat yourself up trying to make sense of it all. The truth is, some change that occur, you'll never be able to comprehend it fully. Learn to embrace change because it will happen. You too will change, lets just hope its for the better.

That was one example of how life changes effected me and my relationships. I'm sure you too have examples of how life changes effect your relationships. Please feel free to share. I would love to read your stories and learn from your experiences.

If you grew up with parents nearly as over protective as mine then you're probably going through what I went through. And the worse part about it is, you find yourself constantly fighting with your mate because they cant seem to understand why you're 21+ and still sneaking around.

I grew up in a Haitian household with traditional Haitian parents that had set rules you wouldn't dare break nor challenge. Heaven forbids you did, you wouldn't just be answering to your parents but also to your aunts, uncles, grandparents, cousins and any other adult figure that happened to be present.  The consequences were either a nice butt whooping or a good lecture that can go on for hours. I preferred the whooping; quick and to the point. The lectures were torture. In any rate, the bottom line is most traditional West Indian parents (I'm sure there are a lot of other cultures as well) are over protective because its part of their culture to be that way.

Now lets first understand there's a difference between having over protective parents and strict parents. Parents who are over protective allows you to have some freedom. You're allowed to date, go out with friends and perhaps even sleep out as long as they know where you're going, who you're with and what time you're coming home. They may ask for more detail such as phone numbers and addresses but the first three I mentioned are their main concern. Over protective parents have a little bit of trouble letting go because they love you so much and really just want to keep you from harms way. Can be a bit frustrating I know. However strict parents do not allow you any freedom. They show their love by instilling fear in you. Strict parents just don't know how to let go and they have no clue how much they're hurting their children by simply not allowing them to live. They feel the need to control your every move whether you're coming or going. This is the reason some children grow up, go away to school if they can manage that and totally lose control by getting involved in sex, drugs, alcohol, parties , etc. They feel the need to express themselves because they never had the chance to do it when they were younger.

My best advice for those of you who have to deal with strict or over protective parents is move out. Of course, you don't want to be ignorant about it and run off to live with someone you barely know. Finish school if you're going, save some money and leave when you are financially ready. At the end of the day you want to be smart yet have your sanity as well. I may have lived with my parents longer than I had hoped to but I had a plan. And the plan was to live home for free and save up enough money to by my own home which is what I did. When its all said and done I knew my parents loved me and only wanted the best so I stuck it out. But I understand that may not be the case for you. You have to choose what makes the best sense for you. There are parents who are intolerable and leave you with no choice but to move out. They will try and discourage you from leaving and may even become upset but eventually they will get over it. And if they truly love you, they'll understand.

For those of you currently dating a woman (more likely than men) or a man who live with over protective or strict parents, don't give them a hard time. They're stressed enough just knowing that you too have to deal with it as well, if you're going to stay in the relationship. In most cases, it's a cultural thing and there's no getting around that. Just try to understand and be respectful. You won't be in that situation forever.  Eventually your mate will move out.