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Good Girls Who Date Bad Guys
Posted by Sandra Chat on
Thursday, August 20, 2009
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Today's blog is a continuation of my previous blog. Therefore if you haven't read my last blog, please go back and do so before proceeding.
Bad guys never show their bad side until later when they think its too late. For example, after the woman's conceived their child or after the two are married or even after they've moved in together. Bad guys always seem like good guys in the beginning. They say and do all the right things to make you happy and totally blind you from who they really are. This is the reason why I strongly encourage everyone to love themselves first and really get to know your partners before becoming to involved or intimate.
There are a few reasons why good girls date bad guys...
1. They believe they can change them. They believe they're so special that these guys will automatically turn from their evil ways and do right by them but they won't. Yes, I believe everyone has the ability to change but it must be THEIR desire and THEIR choice. It's not your responsibility to do it.
2. They come from an abusive home where bad guys were the norm and therefore became accustomed to that lifestyle. Whether we want to admit it or not, we share a lot of the same characteristics as our parents. If a woman grows up watching her mother or female guardian being subjected to an abusive relationship, she's more likely to do the same. Therefore men, don't be so quick to judge or dismiss a woman that may be in this situation. Instead, be an example. Treat her with respect and show her that all men are not "bad guys".
3. They don't love themselves. Many women do not have a positive self-esteem. They settle for less because they don't think they can find better. They've been brainwashed to believe that all men are "bad guys" and therefore accept it. How can you possible love someone if you don't love yourself? How can you allow someone to hurt you repeatedly if you truly loved yourself? Remember you alone are responsible for the way people treat you. If someone disrespects you once, they are at fault. If they disrespect you a second time, you are at fault.
Finally, my advice for the women is, Love Yourself! It's never too late to ask for help. My advice for the men is, Don't Be So Quick to Judge A Woman That May Be In A Relationship With A Bad Guy because you don't know her history.
Why Do Good Girls Love Bad Guys?
Posted by Sandra Chat on
Sunday, August 16, 2009
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This questions has been around for years. There is some truth to it but also a lot of misconceptions. A man's definition of a "Bad Guy" and what a woman considers a "Bad Guy" to be are totally different.
I don't necessarily call a guy that cheats on me to be a "Bad Guy". I can call him a jerk and every other name in the book but the truth is he was probably not that into me. Otherwise he wouldn't have cheated. I would however consider a man that is dominating and both physically and mentally abusive to be a "Bad Guy".
Most women want a man that can protect them. We want a strong confident man that can hold his ground if need be and provide security for his family. This normally requires the man to be both physically and mentally equipped. In other words, "tough". This is not to be confused with a man that is "rough". "Tough" equals power where as "Rough" equals pain.
Women go after "tough" guys because they're challenging and more interesting. Tough guys are confident within themselves yet know how to treat a woman. A tough guy knows when to throw on the timberland's and when to bring out the custom made suit. A tough guy doesn't speak to his woman the same way he speaks to his friends. I can go on but I think you get the point.
If you are one of those men that constantly complain about the women you're pursuing always falling for the "bad" guys, I have a reality check for you; she's just not attracted to you. We women MUST be attracted to our men. Something about you must be stimulating enough to keep us interested. Whether its your physical appearance, sense of humor, personality or intelligence; something must be compelling about you that keeps us intrigued and coming back for more.
The bottom line is women do not love bad guys, we love tough guys! As for the women that do date "bad" guys, tune in to my next blog to get my perspective on that topic.
Just One Of Them Days!
Posted by Sandra Chat on
Thursday, August 13, 2009
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"It's just one of them days. When I wanna be all alone. It's just one of them days. When I gotta be all alone. It's just one of them days. Don't take it personal, I just wanna be all alone and you think I treat you wrong." - Monica.
Let me first clarify that it has nothing to do with PMS because men are just as guilty.
We all have those days when we just don't want to be bothered. It may not be anything any ones' done specifically, yet saying the wrong thing at the wrong time can intensify the person's emotions which in turn will make matters worse.
Every now and then we all need our personal time and space. Time to gather our thoughts and enjoy our own company. There are other times when we may just need a break from each other and being around friends or family maybe just the remedy we need. If you see that your man or woman is brushing you off or has a slight "attitude" don't take it personal. Acknowledge the fact that your mate is having "One of them days"and give them their space.
Be careful not to take your emotions out on one another. It's not fair to your mate and it's not healthy for your relationship. When you do recognize that you're having "One of them days", try not to prolong it. Do your best to shift your energy from negative to positive. The quicker you can do this, the happier and healthier your relationship will be.
Financial Responsibility In Your Relationship
Posted by Sandra Chat on
Wednesday, August 12, 2009
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Whether you are married, engaged or in a committed relationship, its very important to learn money management.
About.com states "It doesn't make any difference if you have money or if you don't have money. If the two of you have different spending habits, different savings goals, different thoughts about investing, or different fears about being poor, then financial problems will eventually surface in your marriage" and in your committed relationships.
For My Married Viewers:
Stop thinking like a single person. It is no longer "I" or "Me" but rather "Us" and "We". Your financial situation will not change until the both of you decide to change it. If one is spending while the other is saving, it is not going to work. The two of you should be setting both short and long term goals. For example: set a goal to pay off those credit cards and work on cleaning your credit. Do you owe friends/family money? Set a goal to pay them back. Does the house need an upgrade? Set a goal to upgrade it. Does your kids want to take up swimming or karate? Create a saving plan so that when enrollment time comes, you'll have the money. It takes a lot of compromising and sacrifice but it will work. This may mean eating out once a week instead of three times. You may have to put off on buying those new pair of shoes or jacket you loved so much but at the end you'll be stress free and happy.
For My Single Viewers:
It starts with you. Are you paying your bills on time? Are you saving for that new car or house that you really want or are you running to the mall as soon as payday rolls around? Do you know about investments or how to maintain good credit? You should be thinking about all these things as they will affect you in the future. If you haven't, find someone close to you that is well established and ask them for advice. Remember, the habits you develop now will eventually follow you.
I've put together a sample chart to help you get started. Everyones income and priorities are different therefore, you'll have to rearrange a few items to best fit your needs. Writing your budget down and including the dates that everything is due will keep you organized so your bills will be paid on time. Additionally, you'll get a better understanding on how your money is being spent so you'll know where to make adjustments when necessary.
Month: August 2009
Income
$2000
Saving
$250
Bills
Due 8/1 Tithes/Charity $200
Due 8/1 Rent $750
Due 8/10 Heat/Electricity $100
Due 8/15 Car Note $200
Due 8/15 Credit Cards/School Loans $250
Due 8/25 Cell Phone $75
Other Expenses (i.e Groceries, Gas, leisure, etc.)
$175
Maintaining a happy and healthy relationship is a challenge in itself, let's not let finances be the cause of your break up.
About.com states "It doesn't make any difference if you have money or if you don't have money. If the two of you have different spending habits, different savings goals, different thoughts about investing, or different fears about being poor, then financial problems will eventually surface in your marriage" and in your committed relationships.
For My Married Viewers:
Stop thinking like a single person. It is no longer "I" or "Me" but rather "Us" and "We". Your financial situation will not change until the both of you decide to change it. If one is spending while the other is saving, it is not going to work. The two of you should be setting both short and long term goals. For example: set a goal to pay off those credit cards and work on cleaning your credit. Do you owe friends/family money? Set a goal to pay them back. Does the house need an upgrade? Set a goal to upgrade it. Does your kids want to take up swimming or karate? Create a saving plan so that when enrollment time comes, you'll have the money. It takes a lot of compromising and sacrifice but it will work. This may mean eating out once a week instead of three times. You may have to put off on buying those new pair of shoes or jacket you loved so much but at the end you'll be stress free and happy.
For My Single Viewers:
It starts with you. Are you paying your bills on time? Are you saving for that new car or house that you really want or are you running to the mall as soon as payday rolls around? Do you know about investments or how to maintain good credit? You should be thinking about all these things as they will affect you in the future. If you haven't, find someone close to you that is well established and ask them for advice. Remember, the habits you develop now will eventually follow you.
I've put together a sample chart to help you get started. Everyones income and priorities are different therefore, you'll have to rearrange a few items to best fit your needs. Writing your budget down and including the dates that everything is due will keep you organized so your bills will be paid on time. Additionally, you'll get a better understanding on how your money is being spent so you'll know where to make adjustments when necessary.
Month: August 2009
Income
$2000
Saving
$250
Bills
Due 8/1 Tithes/Charity $200
Due 8/1 Rent $750
Due 8/10 Heat/Electricity $100
Due 8/15 Car Note $200
Due 8/15 Credit Cards/School Loans $250
Due 8/25 Cell Phone $75
Other Expenses (i.e Groceries, Gas, leisure, etc.)
$175
Maintaining a happy and healthy relationship is a challenge in itself, let's not let finances be the cause of your break up.
Top 10 List of What A Woman Want vs. What A Man Want
Posted by Sandra Chat on
Thursday, August 6, 2009
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Every woman and every man is different therefore what one wants may not necessarily be the same for the other. I did a quick survey and this is what I discovered...
According to several women I've talked to, women want:
1. Love/Companionship
2. Spirituality
3. Family
4. Protection/Security
5. Good Career
6. Stability
7. Independence
8. Affection
9. Wealth
10. Personal Time
According to several men I've talked to, men want:
1. Sex
2. Companionship/Compatibility
3. Spontaneity
4. Money
5. Comfort
6. Safety
7. Health/Healthy Partner
8. Space/Personal Time
9. Challenge
10. Honesty
As we go throughout our day to day lives, we get so caught up in our own needs/wants that we forget about our significant other, friends. or even family members. Therefore, I felt it would be relevant to make you all aware of some of the things that are most important to us.
When Its Time To Break Up With A Friend.
Posted by Sandra Chat on
Monday, August 3, 2009
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It is time to break up with a friend when the bad out weighs the good. It is time to break up with a friend when you feel more hurt then joy. It is time to break up with a friend when there's no more trust. It is time to break up with a friend when all you do is give and receive nothing in return.
When friends change for the worse it hurts. It hurts because you want to hold on to all the great memories you've once shared and ignore the lies, deceit and betrayals but you cant. Or perhaps you're the one that changed. You no longer want to part-take in activities that you once thought were cool or fun and you're now being criticized of thinking you're better than they are. The friends that become envious may be the most difficult to cope with because you expect them to be happy about your new promotion, engagement or baby announcement but to your surprise, they're not.
There is one thing in the world that you cannot change and that's the past. So embrace it for what it was and let it be just that; the past. The future however, is determined on the choices you make today. We are all responsible for how people treat us. Whether they are long time friends or you've known them for a short while, you must never compromise your beliefs, morals or standards to keep a friendship from deteriorating. Continue to pray for them and never stop loving them. Accept the change for what it is. Learn to let go and move on.
Is it alright to maintain a CLOSE friendship with someone of the opposite sex while in a committed relationship?
Posted by Sandra Chat on
Sunday, August 2, 2009
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The answer is absolutely no. It is not alright.
When a man and a woman are friends, they develop a level of trust and respect for one another. The same trust and respect one looks for in a mate. After a while, this friendship has more potential of developing into something more intimate than if you were to meet a total stranger. Have you ever heard the statement "Friends Make The Best Lovers"? Well it's true. They make the best lovers because you know them, you trust them, you love them and you feel comfortable enough to be yourself. This can be very dangerous and cause problems down the line if you're in a serious relationship.
It shouldn't be difficult to pull away from a close friend of the opposite sex when you're in a committed relationship if they are truly your friends. This doesn't mean you shouldn't be allowed to converse or hang out with one another occasionally, it simply means the relationship shifts gear. When you are in a committed or even a developing relationship , you would naturally want to spend most of your time getting to know your mate than you would with your friend. It just makes sense. If you find this to be difficult than it just may be that your feelings for your friend is more serious than you thought. For some individuals, it takes being in a relationship to discover this. Maintaining a close friendship with the a person of the opposite sex while pursuing a serious relationship with your mate often confuses things and prevents the relationship from progressing.
Trust and respect are two among many key ingredients in any committed relationship. If at any point within a relationship any of these become a concern as it relates to a "friend", it is up to you to address it and fix it. For example a friend of mine feels very uncomfortable about his girlfriend spending a significant amount of time with her male friend. For what ever his reasons are, his girlfriend should respect his concerns and do her best to reassure him that he is priority without jeopardizing her relationship with her male friend. This is of course if she wants her relationship with her mate to progress to the next level.
Also, just because you may honestly only see your "friend" as only a friend doesn't mean they don't have secret feelings for you. It is important that you are not sending mixed messages to your "friend" and that you are being completely honest with yourself and your mate. Learn to read between the lines and be aware of the "tell tell" signs.
