Posted by Sandra Chat on
Sunday, November 15, 2009
, under |
First impressions leave lasting impressions. We all know this when preparing for a job interview correct? Well the same applies in relationships. Lets face it, we all appreciate a little eye candy. Keeping up with your appearance is very important whether you are single, dating or married.
Personal hygiene is the most important factor as it relates to maintaining ones appearance. Although this may come across as a being natural for some; others just don't get it. I will put it plain and simple, its important to brush your teeth, shower/bathe and put on clean clothes EVERY SINGLE DAY! If you suffer from chronic diseases such as halitosis or excessive perspiration; be sure to always carry around mints and deodorant/wash cloth to freshen up throughout the day. Nothings worse than having to interact with someone whose breath or body odor is simply not up to par.
As for maintaining your appearance folks; its a must!!! Now I'm not referring to style because everyone has their own sense of style. I just want to encourage you all to make an effort each day to look your best. Whether its changing your hair style, adding a little color to your wardrobe, or simply taking your time to put yourself together makes a huge difference.
To my single folks, you have no right to set standards of how you want to meet Mr./Mrs. Right and expect them to look a certain way when you yourself hasn't gotten it together. Please keep this in mind.
To my dating/married folks; you must keep it fresh! Many of you have the mentality of "I already got him/her, I don't have to look good anymore." That's the biggest mistake ever! Yes its more difficult when you see this person every day. After all, how much better can you look?This is why its even more important to look your best. You have to keep the relationship interesting and fun! Also, you will begin to feel better about yourself and your mate will certainly appreciate it as well.
At the end of the day, look good for yourself. This will help build your confidence and self-esteem. Nothing looks better than a confident brother and sister walking side by side; complimenting one another.
Posted by Sandra Chat on
Wednesday, October 28, 2009
, under |
Settling and compromising are two words often misinterpreted in relationships. Its important to understand their meanings and difference as the two will surface at some point of your dating journey.
To settle as it relates to relationships in my book means to make a decision. To accept someone based on circumstances and fear of not finding the man or woman your heart truly desires. There's no true love or compassion when you settle. You do it just because. People settle for many reasons, a few include but not limited to the following:
1. They're getting old and want to have kids soon.
2. They have a child by someone and figure it would be easier for the child that the mother and father stay together.
3. They were in the same relationship for so long, they figured its easier to just stay with the person then starting all over again.
4. The person is nice to them and they don't want to hurt their feelings.
5. THEY DON'T THINK THEY CAN FIND BETTER!!!!
To compromise on the other hand means to love someone so much that you are willing to overlook their flaws to make the relationship work. Examples of flaws maybe a person who is messy, a person who passes gas/burps often, a person who talks a lot, a person who can't cook, a person who loves to tell jokes that aren't funny, a person who is short/tall, a person who is over weight or extremely thin, a person who is a neat freak, a person with a birth defect, a person with childhood bad habits (sucking of the thumb), etc. I can go on but you get my drift. To be able to compromise is actually a must in any successful relationship. Compromising requires that you give a little and you also take a little. Its important to understand that EVERYONE has flaws and its up to you to decide what flaws you can deal with and what flaws you can't. You're not perfect so don't expect to find someone that's perfect.
At the end of the day, if you are dating someone for any reason but love; know you have settled. However, if you're dating someone and the things that used to bother you doesn't anymore and you can't seem to get enough of this person; you've mastered the art of compromising and you are well on your way to a happy successful relationship.
Posted by Sandra Chat on
Sunday, October 25, 2009
, under |
Determining whether or not he or she is "The One" is very simple. Be honest with yourself in terms of how you feel when you're around this person. I know this statement may come across as being too basic, but in all honesty, its really not that complicated.
Ask yourselves the following questions. Do you feel good when this person comes around or calls? Do you laugh together? Can this person get along with your friends and family? Does this person want kids? If so, how are they around young children in their family or community? Does this person have a happy spirit or are they always down and depressed? You may not be able to answer all these questions on your first date but it shouldn't take years either. No one knows you better than you know yourself. Therefore, spending unnecessary time with someone that doesn't compliment you is clearly a poor choice on your part.
Unfortunately, many people date for the wrong reasons; loneliness, good looks, money, social status, or even desperation. As a young adult, this may be more common and expected due to the lack of maturity and experience. However, many adults too fall victim to these idiosyncrasies. Thus, relationships resulting in breakup or divorce.
It doesn't matter if you're in your early twenties, thirties or forties, you'll never be able to determine whether he or she is "The One" unless you know what you want. Do yourself a favor and list the top 10 qualities you're looking for in a mate/spouse and the top 10 things you will not tolerate. This way, you'll be able to determine much quicker and easier if the person you are dating or interested in is "The One". The point of writing the list is to help guide you in the right direction. Therefore, if you decide to alter your list midway through your relationship , there's a pretty good chance problems will surface in the future. For example, if one of your top must have traits in your mate is "money" and you settle for someone who doesn't have much "money", you may later resent that person. Another example; if you decided that you will absolutely not accept a mate that's verbally abusive and you allow your mate to verbally abuse you one time; chances are he or she will continue to verbally abuse you.
When you reach a point in your life where you feel confident and happy within your own skin, it becomes easier to determine what you want in a partner. Most happily married couples can tell you they knew their spouses were "The One" fairly early on in their relationship because they knew what they wanted and refused to settle for just anyone. When you meet "The One" you will know. It will feel so right you won't be able to describe it.
Posted by Sandra Chat on
Sunday, October 18, 2009
, under |
Are you tired of doing the same things over and over?
Would you be interested in trying something new, fun and exciting but your budget is on the lower end? Well, you're in luck because I put a list of great staycation ideas for you and your spouse. Stop complaining about how bored and broke you are. Do yourself and your spouse a favor and take a "Staycation".
1. Have a picnic. (Indoors is just as romantic as outdoors)
2. Give each other your own signature massage treatment.
3. Purchase a comedy sitcom that you both enjoy and plan an evening to watching the entire series together.
4. Game night. Whoever wins the best out of 4 games wins a special prize. You decide what that prize is.
5. Take a Salsa class together. Practice your new moves all night.
6. Throw a small cocktail party. Invite a couple of close friends over and have some fun
7. Cook a romantic candlelight dinner together.
8. Go out on a date. (Doesn't have to be anywhere fancy but look nice and plan to have a good time. If you live in the same town, consider going to the place where the two of you first met. Will bring back good memories)
9. Day of pampering. (What is it that your spouse love? Figure it out and turn it into a special day just for them. Then perhaps the favor can be returned the next day)
10. Plan a day to visit friends and family that live close but you never have time to see them. (Shouldn't be more than an hour drive).
Hope you find my list to be helpful. If you do decide to try any of these ideas, let me know how it works for you. If you have any ideas that you would like to add, simply let me know. I'm sure my viewers would be grateful.
Posted by Sandra Chat on
Monday, October 12, 2009
, under |
Both men and women share the universal understanding of "My man/woman is off limits." Meaning, if you are aware the individual you are pursuing or that's pursuing you is in a committed relationship; married or dating, you must simply not get involved with that person, even if he or she is willing. If they can cheat on their mates, what makes you think they won't cheat on you?
The reason why an individual may get upset and attack the other person before addressing their mate is because they're upset and they allow their emotions to take control of the situation, especially if they're caught in the act. Additionally, not only would one feel threatened and disrespected by the other person, but it maybe their only opportunity to confront them if they don't know them. If the individual does in fact know the other person, they may become even more outraged by the betrayal. After all, you've broken the universal code.
Its ok to confront the other person as long as you intend to address and settle things with your mate. Whether you decide to stay or leave is up to you. Having said that, it is not ok to put all the blame on the other person for interfering in your relationship. It takes two people to cheat, not one. Your mate is more guilty then they are.
Do we want to get cheated on? No, but we do. Should we confront and be mad at the other person? Yes, its expected that you'd be upset and feel the need to confront them. However, you must do it with class. You should never give away your power and control. Using extreme profanity and physical measures will only bring you down to their level. Should you be upset with your mate? Of course! They are more to blame then the other person. Should you stay with your mate after he or she has cheated? That's a decision you will have to make.
This goes back to my previous posts about loving yourself and knowing your mate. If you haven't read it, please check it out. When you can truly say that you love yourself, it will become easier to address situations such as these. If you're every cheated on, look at it as their loss and a lessons learned for yourself.
Posted by Sandra Chat on
Sunday, October 4, 2009
, under |
OK, so you finally meet someone you believe is compatible. The two of you exchange a few words and before you know it, you're getting ready for your first date. You are so excited at this point. You feel the butterflies swirling around in your stomach because you're almost positive"this is the one", at least that's what you tell yourself. After all, you've already made it through the awkward introduction stage and he/she's certainly pleasing to the eyes so what can go wrong? You finally meet up and the unthinkable happens; you have absolutely no interest in what your date has to say. As a matter of fact, this has quickly become the most boring date you've ever been on in your entire life and to your misfortune, your date on the other hand is into you and wants a second date. What do you do?
Run!!!!! Lol, just joking. Running is the last thing you want to do. After all, if the person is psycho, they will find you. When I say "Run", I mean avoiding the person's calls and never calling them back. We're all adults here and deserve to know the truth. Nothings worse then going the rest of your life saying "I wonder what happened to xyz". There's no nice way to get rejected but there's certainly a respectful way. Have you ever heard the saying "Honesty is the best policy?" Well, it's the truth.
You can lie and make up stories about how you're getting back with your ex or that you're dating someone else but what good would that really do? One lie would only leads to another and another until you're caught. Or if the person really likes you, they will not take no for an answer. Telling the person you're not interested anymore and would like to see other people is the best way to go. This clears your conscious and alleviates any questions the other person may have. Some may ask why and demand an explanation while the majority will simply agree and move on with their life.
Be prepared for negative reactions and obscene remarks. Not everyone takes rejection well and therefore may object. If this were the case, be firm and brief yet respectful. Say what you have to say and get off the phone or walk away. Below are two break up liners I wrote to better assist you in the event you find yourself in this situation. Good luck!
1. "Hi xyz. It was a pleasure meeting you the other night. I thing you're a great person however, I don't feel that we are as compatible as I originally thought. Through our conversations and getting to know you a little better, I can't see a future with you developing beyond where we are now. I think it would be best that we go our separate ways."
2. "Hi xyz, I'm flattered that you'd want to see me again but to be honest with you, I'm not interested in pursuing this relationship any further. I'm more interested in men/women who... and based on our conversations, you don't fit those qualification. I think you're a great person and would make someone else very happy, I'm just not that person. I hope you understand."
Posted by Sandra Chat on
Wednesday, September 23, 2009
, under |
Age is certainly a key factor in a relationship especially if it involves minors. (Minors meaning under the age of 18). Regardless of whether the teenager appears older or acts "mature" for their age, its illegal. Period!! Any adult (over the age of 19) who would even consider dating a teenager has personal issues. For example, a 16 year old dating a 19 year old in my book wouldn't be appropriate. (Visualize a junior in high school dating a sophomore in college). Although there's only a three year difference between the two; the maturity level, education and experience of the 19 year old surpasses that of the 16 year old by a long shot.
You can understand a great deal about a person by knowing their age alone. I believe that with age comes wisdom. This is not to be confused with intelligence. We can all go to school or read a book and get educated. But, wisdom comes from experience.
If an individual who is of age decides to date someone, 10, 20, or even 30 year older/younger, that's totally fine. After all, its their happiness and love for each other that truly matters. However, the age difference will impact their relationship physically, mentally and emotionally.
Physically, your mate may not be equipped to maintain the physical lifestyle of one half their age.
Mentally, you will have to deal with life's constant reminders of your age difference through media and your day to day activities.
Emotionally, a strong bond and love between the two will be required to withstand the bickering and disapproval of family and friends.
Nonetheless, age does matter. As an adult, you are expected to understand what it is that you're are doing and take full responsibility for your actions.
Posted by Sandra Chat on
Wednesday, September 9, 2009
, under |
Living together before marriage has become a norm in our society today. Couples move in together without thinking twice. Some believe moving in together before marriage will help determine whether the two are right for each other. Others think it will bring them closer while the majority are certain it will allow them two save money in preparation for their future. I believe these all are excuses used by individual who are afraid to commit. Playing "house" goes against God's plan for our lives. Call me old fashioned, this is simply my opinion.
1. If you're not sure whether or not you and your partner are right for each other then moving in together should be the last thing on your mind. Why would you want to move in with someone you don't feel you know well enough? Let me fill you in on a little secret; you'll never stop learning about your partner. You can be together for twenty years and still discover something new. What are you going to do after finding out you're not compatible? Move out and move in with the next person you decide to date? Some may say at least they uncovered the truth before it was too late. I say it was a lot of money and time spent wasted and they probably would have discovered this anyway.
2. For those who want to get closer to their mate, understand it takes time. Although moving in together will allow you to be around each other more and even give you a better idea of what it would be like if the two of you were to be married; nothing compares to the real thing. When you're single and live together, you always have the option to walk out if something goes wrong because legally, you're not obligated to stay with this person and its easier to walk away from a situation than to deal with it. Closeness develops through tough times and struggles. When you get deathly ill, will your partner be there to take care of you? If you lose your six figure income job, will your partner stand by you and hold it down until you're back on your feet? If you really want to get close, these are the things you should be watching out for.
3. Moving in together to save money is the biggest excuse of them all. I used to think after getting married, I'd save so much more money because there would now be double the income and I'd be able to split the bills. Boy was I wrong. What I failed to consider was how much everything else would increase. (i.e electricity, heat, water, groceries, laundry etc.) I'm not saying that you wouldn't save at all, perhaps if the two of you budget right, you may do all right. However, my experiences have proven otherwise. I was able to save so much more when I was dating and living alone than I do now that I'm married.
My advice is, enjoy being single as long as you can. (You're still considered single if you're not married). After all, you have the rest of your life to live together and get to know one another. THE REST OF YOUR LIFE (at least that's the intention). Why would you want to be in a rush to give up your privacy, freedom and space? Most importantly, its not aligned with God's plan for us.
Posted by Sandra Chat on
Tuesday, September 1, 2009
, under |
Now a days, it seems to me that too many people get married for the wrong reasons. Love and marriage are just not what they used to be. Couples fight over everything and anything which in turn leads to separation and eventually divorce. So I thought to myself, what would it be like if there were no such thing as divorce? If the words "Until death do us part" were in fact the only way to part, would you get married to your spouse all over again?
I pondered on this for a while myself and although my answer is yes, I would still marry my wonderful husband Rudy Pierre today for the simple fact that I am truly in love with him. But more importantly God is the source and foundation of our relationship. If God is love and love conquers all, then nothing or no one can break us.
My cousin said something very wise that stuck with me. "If your man or woman are not God-fearing, what makes you think they'll be loyal to you?" In other words, if you can't answer to and obey God's rules; the creator of the universe" chances are you won't submit, respect or be loyal to your spouse. It just won't work. In this day and age without the foundation of God's love, you will fall short to temptation, greed and selfishness.
My advice for the married folks, before you become another statistic, take yourselves back to the day you and your spouse first met. Think about all those great feeling and how much you desired to be with one another. Ask God to come into your lives and help build back the love that you two once shared. For those of you who got married for any reason other than the fact that you loved each other, pray for love. Pray that God will allow you to experience the true meaning of love and to value and appreciate one another for who they are.
My advice for the single folks looking for love, stability and companionship; understand what it means to be married. Marriage is a life-long commitment. In order for a marriage to work, you will have to compromise, be loyal, be respectful and even submissive at times. Seek advice from couples who've been married for a while and are still in love. Most importantly, make sure you're in love. Having a child together or being together for a long time aren't good enough reasons to get married. You should be in love with each other; period! Therefore, before you decide to tie the knot., ask yourself this simple question; "If there were no such thing as divorce, would I still want to marry this person?" If your answer is yes, than you are on your way to a happy, healthy relationship. If your answer is no, then keep it moving. Don't waste your time or money.
My advice for the non believers and pessimists who don't believe in God and think they can make it on their own; I challenge you to try him.
Posted by Sandra Chat on
Thursday, August 20, 2009
, under |
Today's blog is a continuation of my previous blog. Therefore if you haven't read my last blog, please go back and do so before proceeding.
Bad guys never show their bad side until later when they think its too late. For example, after the woman's conceived their child or after the two are married or even after they've moved in together. Bad guys always seem like good guys in the beginning. They say and do all the right things to make you happy and totally blind you from who they really are. This is the reason why I strongly encourage everyone to love themselves first and really get to know your partners before becoming to involved or intimate.
There are a few reasons why good girls date bad guys...
1. They believe they can change them. They believe they're so special that these guys will automatically turn from their evil ways and do right by them but they won't. Yes, I believe everyone has the ability to change but it must be THEIR desire and THEIR choice. It's not your responsibility to do it.
2. They come from an abusive home where bad guys were the norm and therefore became accustomed to that lifestyle. Whether we want to admit it or not, we share a lot of the same characteristics as our parents. If a woman grows up watching her mother or female guardian being subjected to an abusive relationship, she's more likely to do the same. Therefore men, don't be so quick to judge or dismiss a woman that may be in this situation. Instead, be an example. Treat her with respect and show her that all men are not "bad guys".
3. They don't love themselves. Many women do not have a positive self-esteem. They settle for less because they don't think they can find better. They've been brainwashed to believe that all men are "bad guys" and therefore accept it. How can you possible love someone if you don't love yourself? How can you allow someone to hurt you repeatedly if you truly loved yourself? Remember you alone are responsible for the way people treat you. If someone disrespects you once, they are at fault. If they disrespect you a second time, you are at fault.
Finally, my advice for the women is, Love Yourself! It's never too late to ask for help. My advice for the men is, Don't Be So Quick to Judge A Woman That May Be In A Relationship With A Bad Guy because you don't know her history.
Posted by Sandra Chat on
Sunday, August 16, 2009
, under |
This questions has been around for years. There is some truth to it but also a lot of misconceptions. A man's definition of a "Bad Guy" and what a woman considers a "Bad Guy" to be are totally different.
I don't necessarily call a guy that cheats on me to be a "Bad Guy". I can call him a jerk and every other name in the book but the truth is he was probably not that into me. Otherwise he wouldn't have cheated. I would however consider a man that is dominating and both physically and mentally abusive to be a "Bad Guy".
Most women want a man that can protect them. We want a strong confident man that can hold his ground if need be and provide security for his family. This normally requires the man to be both physically and mentally equipped. In other words, "tough". This is not to be confused with a man that is "rough". "Tough" equals power where as "Rough" equals pain.
Women go after "tough" guys because they're challenging and more interesting. Tough guys are confident within themselves yet know how to treat a woman. A tough guy knows when to throw on the timberland's and when to bring out the custom made suit. A tough guy doesn't speak to his woman the same way he speaks to his friends. I can go on but I think you get the point.
If you are one of those men that constantly complain about the women you're pursuing always falling for the "bad" guys, I have a reality check for you; she's just not attracted to you. We women MUST be attracted to our men. Something about you must be stimulating enough to keep us interested. Whether its your physical appearance, sense of humor, personality or intelligence; something must be compelling about you that keeps us intrigued and coming back for more.
The bottom line is women do not love bad guys, we love tough guys! As for the women that do date "bad" guys, tune in to my next blog to get my perspective on that topic.
Posted by Sandra Chat on
Thursday, August 13, 2009
, under |
"It's just one of them days. When I wanna be all alone. It's just one of them days. When I gotta be all alone. It's just one of them days. Don't take it personal, I just wanna be all alone and you think I treat you wrong." - Monica.
Let me first clarify that it has nothing to do with PMS because men are just as guilty.
We all have those days when we just don't want to be bothered. It may not be anything any ones' done specifically, yet saying the wrong thing at the wrong time can intensify the person's emotions which in turn will make matters worse.
Every now and then we all need our personal time and space. Time to gather our thoughts and enjoy our own company. There are other times when we may just need a break from each other and being around friends or family maybe just the remedy we need. If you see that your man or woman is brushing you off or has a slight "attitude" don't take it personal. Acknowledge the fact that your mate is having "One of them days"and give them their space.
Be careful not to take your emotions out on one another. It's not fair to your mate and it's not healthy for your relationship. When you do recognize that you're having "One of them days", try not to prolong it. Do your best to shift your energy from negative to positive. The quicker you can do this, the happier and healthier your relationship will be.
Posted by Sandra Chat on
Wednesday, August 12, 2009
, under |
Whether you are married, engaged or in a committed relationship, its very important to learn money management.
About.com states "It doesn't make any difference if you have money or if you don't have money. If the two of you have different spending habits, different savings goals, different thoughts about investing, or different fears about being poor, then financial problems will eventually surface in your marriage" and in your committed relationships.
For My Married Viewers:
Stop thinking like a single person. It is no longer "I" or "Me" but rather "Us" and "We". Your financial situation will not change until the both of you decide to change it. If one is spending while the other is saving, it is not going to work. The two of you should be setting both short and long term goals. For example: set a goal to pay off those credit cards and work on cleaning your credit. Do you owe friends/family money? Set a goal to pay them back. Does the house need an upgrade? Set a goal to upgrade it. Does your kids want to take up swimming or karate? Create a saving plan so that when enrollment time comes, you'll have the money. It takes a lot of compromising and sacrifice but it will work. This may mean eating out once a week instead of three times. You may have to put off on buying those new pair of shoes or jacket you loved so much but at the end you'll be stress free and happy.
For My Single Viewers:
It starts with you. Are you paying your bills on time? Are you saving for that new car or house that you really want or are you running to the mall as soon as payday rolls around? Do you know about investments or how to maintain good credit? You should be thinking about all these things as they will affect you in the future. If you haven't, find someone close to you that is well established and ask them for advice. Remember, the habits you develop now will eventually follow you.
I've put together a sample chart to help you get started. Everyones income and priorities are different therefore, you'll have to rearrange a few items to best fit your needs. Writing your budget down and including the dates that everything is due will keep you organized so your bills will be paid on time. Additionally, you'll get a better understanding on how your money is being spent so you'll know where to make adjustments when necessary.
Month: August 2009
Income
$2000
Saving
$250
Bills
Due 8/1 Tithes/Charity $200
Due 8/1 Rent $750
Due 8/10 Heat/Electricity $100
Due 8/15 Car Note $200
Due 8/15 Credit Cards/School Loans $250
Due 8/25 Cell Phone $75
Other Expenses (i.e Groceries, Gas, leisure, etc.)
$175
Maintaining a happy and healthy relationship is a challenge in itself, let's not let finances be the cause of your break up.
Posted by Sandra Chat on
Thursday, August 6, 2009
, under |
Every woman and every man is different therefore what one wants may not necessarily be the same for the other. I did a quick survey and this is what I discovered...
According to several women I've talked to, women want:
1. Love/Companionship
2. Spirituality
3. Family
4. Protection/Security
5. Good Career
6. Stability
7. Independence
8. Affection
9. Wealth
10. Personal Time
According to several men I've talked to, men want:
1. Sex
2. Companionship/Compatibility
3. Spontaneity
4. Money
5. Comfort
6. Safety
7. Health/Healthy Partner
8. Space/Personal Time
9. Challenge
10. Honesty
As we go throughout our day to day lives, we get so caught up in our own needs/wants that we forget about our significant other, friends. or even family members. Therefore, I felt it would be relevant to make you all aware of some of the things that are most important to us.
Posted by Sandra Chat on
Monday, August 3, 2009
, under |
It is time to break up with a friend when the bad out weighs the good. It is time to break up with a friend when you feel more hurt then joy. It is time to break up with a friend when there's no more trust. It is time to break up with a friend when all you do is give and receive nothing in return.
My personal definition of a friend is someone whom you've come to know well through time, share common interests with and have a great level of admiration, loyalty and respect for. I believe as time changes people change with it. Some for the better and others for the worse. These changes transpire through experiences and influences that impacts our lives forever. Thus, affecting our relationships with those that we once called friends.
When friends change for the worse it hurts. It hurts because you want to hold on to all the great memories you've once shared and ignore the lies, deceit and betrayals but you cant. Or perhaps you're the one that changed. You no longer want to part-take in activities that you once thought were cool or fun and you're now being criticized of thinking you're better than they are. The friends that become envious may be the most difficult to cope with because you expect them to be happy about your new promotion, engagement or baby announcement but to your surprise, they're not.
There is one thing in the world that you cannot change and that's the past. So embrace it for what it was and let it be just that; the past. The future however, is determined on the choices you make today. We are all responsible for how people treat us. Whether they are long time friends or you've known them for a short while, you must never compromise your beliefs, morals or standards to keep a friendship from deteriorating. Continue to pray for them and never stop loving them. Accept the change for what it is. Learn to let go and move on.
Posted by Sandra Chat on
Sunday, August 2, 2009
, under |
The answer is absolutely no. It is not alright.
When a man and a woman are friends, they develop a level of trust and respect for one another. The same trust and respect one looks for in a mate. After a while, this friendship has more potential of developing into something more intimate than if you were to meet a total stranger. Have you ever heard the statement "Friends Make The Best Lovers"? Well it's true. They make the best lovers because you know them, you trust them, you love them and you feel comfortable enough to be yourself. This can be very dangerous and cause problems down the line if you're in a serious relationship.
It shouldn't be difficult to pull away from a close friend of the opposite sex when you're in a committed relationship if they are truly your friends. This doesn't mean you shouldn't be allowed to converse or hang out with one another occasionally, it simply means the relationship shifts gear. When you are in a committed or even a developing relationship , you would naturally want to spend most of your time getting to know your mate than you would with your friend. It just makes sense. If you find this to be difficult than it just may be that your feelings for your friend is more serious than you thought. For some individuals, it takes being in a relationship to discover this. Maintaining a close friendship with the a person of the opposite sex while pursuing a serious relationship with your mate often confuses things and prevents the relationship from progressing.
Trust and respect are two among many key ingredients in any committed relationship. If at any point within a relationship any of these become a concern as it relates to a "friend", it is up to you to address it and fix it. For example a friend of mine feels very uncomfortable about his girlfriend spending a significant amount of time with her male friend. For what ever his reasons are, his girlfriend should respect his concerns and do her best to reassure him that he is priority without jeopardizing her relationship with her male friend. This is of course if she wants her relationship with her mate to progress to the next level.
Also, just because you may honestly only see your "friend" as only a friend doesn't mean they don't have secret feelings for you. It is important that you are not sending mixed messages to your "friend" and that you are being completely honest with yourself and your mate. Learn to read between the lines and be aware of the "tell tell" signs.
Posted by Sandra Chat on
Thursday, July 30, 2009
, under |
Because you're searching too hard. Stop Looking!!! This may sound a bit harsh but it's the truth.
As a married women, I can honestly say that God will send you your mate when you least expect it and at the most inopportune times.
Now a days, people are so preoccupied with online dating and night clubs and social events that they lose themselves in the process. How many times have you hooked up with a guy/girl after meeting them at a night club and they look totally different during the day? How many of you met this wonderful guy/girl online and have great conversation but when you finally decide to meet in person, they look totally different from their picture, their personal hygiene is an issue or my favorite, there were just no sparks?
The reason for this is too many people are putting up a persona to impress the other individual and when their true personalities unleash they clash. Now I'm not saying that these avenues won't work because they just may for some people; I just want you to understand that you'll have a better chance of meeting your mate when you do absolutely nothing but be yourself and allow the laws of attracting to bring you together. I recommend learning about "The Secret" by Rhonda Byrne. The Secret talks about a lot of things but one important advice it mentions is learning to control your thoughts and words. The bible Proverbs 18:21 again, it says that "Death and life are in the power of the tongue" .
With that said, stop walking around saying things like:
1. "I'm never going to find a good man/woman". You are absolutely correct if you keep saying that.
2. "All men are dogs". Not all men are dogs but if that's how you think, you'll continue to attract dogs.
3. "Women are all gold diggers" Not all women are after your money but if that's how you think, then those are the women you'll continue to attract"
4. "All the good ones are taken". You're a good one and you're not taken so stop thinking/speaking that way.
5. "I've tried everything and just can't find the right one". Stop trying. Your way hasn't worked so put your request in the To Do box for God and let him do his thing.
I can go on and on but the bottom line is your words and thoughts are manifestations. Believe it or not, every man/woman that you encounter have been manifested into your life by your own thoughts and words. I challenge you to think/speak positive about your future mate and watch how miraculously they come to you.
Posted by Sandra Chat on
Wednesday, July 29, 2009
, under |
People cheat for many reasons:
1. They're not happy in their relationship
2. They're not satisfied or they become bored and want to try something new
3. They're too afraid to break up with their significant other so they cheat in order for the other person to break up with them.
4. They just like having someone on the side.
The bottom line is that people cheat because they can and they will. We're all capable no matter how faithful or in love we believe we are. The important question is not why do people cheat, what you should be asking yourself is "How do I keep my man or woman from cheating"
1. Love, Respect, Trust and Honesty are key.
2. Its the little things that count. Now I know you've all heard this before but how many actually believe it and pay attention to it. Examples of little things are love notes, looking good for your man or women (attire, personal hygiene, hair etc.), keeping your promises, Just because appreciations (do things for one another not for any particular reason), and lastly compliments are always welcomed and appreciated.
3. Know your man or woman's value. Don't ever think for a second that you're all that and that you're man or woman would never leave you. Chances are if you have a worthy man or woman, someone out there is waiting to snatch them up.
Posted by Sandra Chat on
Tuesday, July 28, 2009
, under |
It is absolutely essential to love yourself. But don't confuse confidence with arrogance. Loving yourself requires having a level of respect and appreciation for God's creation which is you and the people around you. When you love yourself you take care of yourself; mind body and soul.
Mind - Know who you are, where you come from and where you're going. Develop the ability to respect others yet have the courage to stand alone and not be easily influenced.
Body - Take good care of your health. Know the effects of what you're putting into your body and how it makes you feel . Exercise enough to feel good about what you see when you look in the mirror and how you feel overall.
Soul - Acknowledge the fact that there's something bigger than you and respect it!!! Life was life before you were born and life will continue after you're gone. But do you know where you're going after you've passed away? If not, I suggest you start thinking about it and prepare yourself.
Note: When you love yourself, you become loveable to others. It happens naturally
Posted by Sandra Chat on , under |
Love endures all things!!!! Did you know that having a loving spirit makes everything ok? Now don't get me confused; "ok" doesn't mean easy. "Ok" simply means that its not the end of the world. For example, if you break up with your boyfriend/girlfriend; the pain, hurt or in some cases relief may be an emotion that you experience but a person with a loving spirit will take the experience as a lesson learned and move on. A person who does not believe in love or lack the loving spirit will act otherwise. They will either retaliate, seek revenge, become envious or even violent.
The most famous biblical chapter on love is from 1 Corinthians:
If I speak in the tongues of men and of angels, but have not love, I am only a resounding gong or a clanging cymbal. If I have the gift of prophecy and can fathom all mysteries and all knowledge, and if I have a faith that can move mountains, but have not love, I am nothing. If I give all I possess to the poor and surrender my body to the flames, but have not love, I gain nothing. Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. Love never fails. But where there are prophecies, they will cease; where there are tongues, they will be stilled; where there is knowledge, it will pass away. For we know in part and we prophesy in part, but when perfection comes, the imperfect disappears. When I was a child, I talked like a child, I thought like a child, I reasoned like a child. When I became a man, I put childish ways behind me. Now we see but a poor reflection as in a mirror; then we shall see face to face. Now I know in part; then I shall know fully, even as I am fully known. And now these three remain: faith, hope and love. But the greatest of these is love. (1 Corinthians 13:1-13)
Posted by Sandra Chat on
Sunday, July 26, 2009
, under |
I find President and Mrs. Obama to be so much more relatable than any previous White House occupants. And it's not just their brown skin. Two kids. Two careers. PB&J in the pantry and playthings in the yard. They seem a lot like my husband and me. And as they approach 17 years of marriage, they always appear so loving toward each other. When I see reports of them having date night at the theater or in an intimate bistro, I'm frequently reminded that it's the little things, done consistently, that make love last. Barack and Michelle demonstrate that brand of authentic commitment we see often in our communities but so rarely in the media. As I look forward to celebrating seven years with my sweetie next month, I thought I'd share (and remember to take to heart) seven keys to Love, Obama Style.
1. Insist on couple time. For parents, that means not letting the time and energy you spend nourishing your kids result in you starving your marriage. The First Couple's weekend in Paris this spring is a great example of getting the balance just right. While sightseeing on the river Seine and at Notre Dame was a family affair, mom and dad enjoyed an intimate dinner alone at a cozy restaurant later.
2. Keep your promises, no matter what. "I am taking my wife to New York City because I promised her during the campaign that I would take her to a Broadway show after it was all finished," the President told reporters at the airport on the way to another much-publicized night on the town. By the time he was able to make good on the promise, pulling it off was no longer as simple as ordering a couple of tickets. Two helicopters, a small Air Force jet, barricades to keep the paparazzi at bay and security screenings at both the restaurant and the theater were required to make the evening a success. Given all the fuss, he could have easily begged off. But he decided to stay true to his boo.
3. Praise each other in public, share constructive feedback in private. Playful quips about dirty socks aside, Mrs. Obama has frequently shared that she fell in love with her husband's authenticity, truth and principles. The President speaks adoringly of his better half, calling her "the love of my life" in his victory speech, "good looking" at the Inaugural and even "a better dancer" on "The Ellen DeGeneres Show."
4. Touch each other, often. She holds his hand. He places one on the small of her back while walking. These little wordless ways of saying "you matter to me" can create a bond stronger than that Mighty Mendit Super Glue sold on infomercials.
5. Share and support your spouse's dreams without losing sight of your own. You say you want to be the first Black man in the White House? How many wives would have said "Um, good luck with that!" Our partners face the world with a "Yes we can" attitude when we show them our unflinching belief in their goals and abilities. But don't look to Mrs. Obama to support the status quo as a cookie-cutter consort. She's redefining the role of First Lady in a way that stays true to her own ideals and passions.
6. Read and respect one another's signals. When things are tense, you may not feel like talking. Picking up on nonverbal cues is key. During the campaign, a Ladies Home Journal reporter asked Michelle "How can you tell when your husband is really stressed?" "When he is writing small notes late at night. When he's really brooding," Mrs. O. said. "That's when I know [to ask], ‘What happened? What's going on?'"
7) Laugh—and pray!—together often. The Obamas share giggles and gaffaws on a regular basis. They also share God. I'm glad to know that after months of church shopping in their new city, they've found, in a chapel at Camp David, a new place to call their spiritual home.
Claire McIntosh is a deputy editor for ESSENCE magazine.
