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21+ And Dealing With Over Protective Parents While Dating

Friday, March 26, 2010 , Posted by Sandra Chat at 12:33 PM

If you grew up with parents nearly as over protective as mine then you're probably going through what I went through. And the worse part about it is, you find yourself constantly fighting with your mate because they cant seem to understand why you're 21+ and still sneaking around.

I grew up in a Haitian household with traditional Haitian parents that had set rules you wouldn't dare break nor challenge. Heaven forbids you did, you wouldn't just be answering to your parents but also to your aunts, uncles, grandparents, cousins and any other adult figure that happened to be present.  The consequences were either a nice butt whooping or a good lecture that can go on for hours. I preferred the whooping; quick and to the point. The lectures were torture. In any rate, the bottom line is most traditional West Indian parents (I'm sure there are a lot of other cultures as well) are over protective because its part of their culture to be that way.

Now lets first understand there's a difference between having over protective parents and strict parents. Parents who are over protective allows you to have some freedom. You're allowed to date, go out with friends and perhaps even sleep out as long as they know where you're going, who you're with and what time you're coming home. They may ask for more detail such as phone numbers and addresses but the first three I mentioned are their main concern. Over protective parents have a little bit of trouble letting go because they love you so much and really just want to keep you from harms way. Can be a bit frustrating I know. However strict parents do not allow you any freedom. They show their love by instilling fear in you. Strict parents just don't know how to let go and they have no clue how much they're hurting their children by simply not allowing them to live. They feel the need to control your every move whether you're coming or going. This is the reason some children grow up, go away to school if they can manage that and totally lose control by getting involved in sex, drugs, alcohol, parties , etc. They feel the need to express themselves because they never had the chance to do it when they were younger.

My best advice for those of you who have to deal with strict or over protective parents is move out. Of course, you don't want to be ignorant about it and run off to live with someone you barely know. Finish school if you're going, save some money and leave when you are financially ready. At the end of the day you want to be smart yet have your sanity as well. I may have lived with my parents longer than I had hoped to but I had a plan. And the plan was to live home for free and save up enough money to by my own home which is what I did. When its all said and done I knew my parents loved me and only wanted the best so I stuck it out. But I understand that may not be the case for you. You have to choose what makes the best sense for you. There are parents who are intolerable and leave you with no choice but to move out. They will try and discourage you from leaving and may even become upset but eventually they will get over it. And if they truly love you, they'll understand.

For those of you currently dating a woman (more likely than men) or a man who live with over protective or strict parents, don't give them a hard time. They're stressed enough just knowing that you too have to deal with it as well, if you're going to stay in the relationship. In most cases, it's a cultural thing and there's no getting around that. Just try to understand and be respectful. You won't be in that situation forever.  Eventually your mate will move out.

Currently have 2comments:

  1. I definitely agree that planning is key. I know a few folks who just went wild once they were out of the house. But it's very important to realize that there are consequences for your actions. So even though you've moved out & have your "freedom" you must take responsibility for your actions. Explore life, have fun, learn, and grow...but be smart!

  1. Hi Shashone and thanks for your comment.

    Sometimes we get so caught up in our current situations that we do things without thinking or planning. We all want freedom but it comes with a price and that's accountability. As much as I wanted to move out of my parents home, I knew it would take both planning and sacrifice. And although being on my own was great, I now understand why they were so over protective. Its not always greener on the other side.

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